She Pulled Her Veteran Husband Out of Depression—And She’s Ready to Do It Again

Tetyana has known her husband, Volodymyr, since childhood—he was her father’s godson. In their small village in the Zaporizhzhia region, their homes stood almost next to each other.

“We were friends until the second grade,” Tetyana recalls. “Then he went to one school, and I moved to Zaporizhzhia, where I studied, worked, and built my life. Overtime, we lost touch—life took us in different directions.”

Years later, both Tetyana and Volodymyr returned to their hometown. What started as childhood friendship soon rekindled into something more. They started texting, calling each other, and spending all their evenings together. Before long, they became a couple.

“After about six months, his mother told me, ‘Tanya, thank you so much for pulling him out,” Tetyana shares.

Their relationship helped Volodymyr navigate the difficult transition back to normal life after returning from the frontlines in eastern Ukraine.

“When he came back from the ATO (Anti-Terrorist Operation), he didn’t talk to anyone,” Tetyana recalls. “The only people he would talk to were his mother and sister. He wouldn’t go out, rarely left his room, and spent most of his time reading books or watching cartoons and anime. Nothing else seemed to interest him. His world had shrunk to just two places—work and home—without any real connection to the outside world.”

Tetyana’s support helped Volodymyr to gradually reintegrate into civilian life, but  it wasn’t easy.

“For a long time, even after we started dating, he would sleep with his feet on the floor,” she admits. “He slept on the couch, but his feet had to touch the ground. He said he needed to feel the ground. It was his way of staying anchored to reality, of reminding himself that he was still here. I told him, ‘You’re home now, you’re safe. Feel me, not the ground.”

The couple eventually married and had a daughter, believing the hardest days were behind them. But on February 24, 2022, everything changed. War returned to their lives—this time as a full-scale invasion. Volodymyr went back to the frontlines, while Tetyana and their daughter were left living under occupation. A month later, they managed to escape to Zaporizhzhia, leaving behind their home and everything they owned.

Starting over in a new city was challenging. Tetyana had to adjust to an unfamiliar place, be a sole caregiver to her young child, and support her husband, who was once again facing the horrors of war. She started to notice changes in his behavior.

“I often didn’t understand him,” she says. “When he would come home on leave, he would go to the store and buy the same foods they eat in the military—everything in bulk, as if he was still out there, preparing for the next battle. He would stock the fridge, but no one would eat what he bought because we already had plenty of food to begin with.”

Psychologist Iryna Talko from the Checkpoint project explains the reasons behind such behavior.

“For military personnel, common psychological issues include difficulty controlling emotions, sleep problems, and cognitive impairments, such as reduced memory and concentration,” she says.

This time, Tetyana knew she couldn’t help her husband on her own. The stress of war, daily shelling, and constant worry for Volodymyr, combined with the pressure of adapting to a new life, made her realize that she needed support, too.

Through resources for displaced people, Tetyana learned about the Checkpoint’s “Alyarmyk” space for children, where she enrolled her daughter. While her daughter attended classes, Tetyana started seeing a psychologist.

“The psychologist suggested I talk to my husband more and ask him about everything,” she says. “Civilians and military personnel live in two different worlds. We have certain freedoms they don’t—like time to rest or sleep. They live in survival mode, always on edge.”

She also discovered that small changes in communication could make a big difference.

“We used to only text each other,” Tetyana recalls. “But I noticed we were drifting apart. The psychologist suggested sending photos, voice messages, or videos. When I started sending voice messages, it changed everything. Hearing his voice, even in the simplest of words, made me feel like he was closer.”

Psychologist Iryna highlights the challenges of working with active military personnel.

“The difficulties stem from objective factors, such as lack of free time, sessions that are often few and far apart, and the absence of a safe space for decompression and self-recovery,” she explains. “Therefore, psychological work with soldiers often focuses on helping them acquire self-help techniques.”

Since Volodymyr cannot currently see a psychologist, Tetyana uses the techniques she learned in her own therapy to support him. However, she hopes he will seek psychological rehabilitation once he is demobilized.

“They experience things at the frontline they cannot  share with their loved ones because they know how disturbing it is,” she says. “Talking to a psychologist allows them to release some of that burden, feel relief, and eventually open up to their families in a healthier way.”

Today, Tetyana’s life is far from easy. The war continues, her hometown is still occupied, her husband remains at the front, and she is raising a small child on her own. There are days when the loneliness is overwhelming, when the weight of it all presses down on her chest. But she refuses to let despair take over. Thanks to the support she has received, Tetyana feels more grounded—and even finds moments of happiness.

“For the most part, therapy has changed my life for the better,” she shares. “My relationship with my husband, my parents, and my child has improved. My husband is a soldier and my parents are still living under occupation—it’s hard for us to always understand each other. But therapy taught me to take the first step.”

“Sometimes, we’re all just waiting for someone to support us,” she adds. “But they’re waiting too. Once you take that first step, amazing things can happen. And sometimes, hope is just a single conversation away.”

The “Checkpoint” project is co-funded by the European Union and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Republic of Lithuania and administered by the Central Project Management Agency of the Republic of Lithuania.